miracles answers prayers
but i'm not gonna lie and say i've gotten on my knees and begged the good Lord please but I sure have yelled out please help us through these trying times and the only way to push through are these sickly rhymes. seeking refuge and delight as we search and reach for the light in order to find peace. a way to get out of this misery. Taking steps, as we go our rights and lefts we sometimes get lost in the winding path. if only we could just see the way and make it to the day in which we all succeed. never give up on ur dreams because we all can and obama ran so we can fly which trickles down to martin walking and rosa sitting. and yet this day united we stand no matter the differences because it's our differences that make us not the most simplest but complex creatures. relying on our teachers to guide and show us the way. and yes its a shame that i never kneeled down and prayed because if i did, maybe i'd be on another road, making more rights than lefts and ending up at where I wanted to and being more instead of less. So I pray to u please, show me the way to achieve more peace and serenity.
-j.ro.
yea that's me
Showing posts with label poetry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label poetry. Show all posts
6.18.2009
4.26.2009
mobile writings.
when I was peeved...
love is like the person u kno u never wanna meet. at first things are all cool, it does everything u want, loyal to ur heart, but somewhere down the line it fucks you over and you regret ever having met them.-j.Ro 1.25.09
in the car..
I open my eyes wide, swallow my pride, and walk in w. a smile becuz. well. I'd rather do that than see me fall flat just so they can show sympathy and give me a pat on my head. I stand tall so I can convince myself and u all that nothing could ever be wrong. but sometimes I wear my heart on my sleeve a little to much to where u cnt even believe I'm alrite. -4.15.09
rap to primous:
I love you. wat the eff does that even. man I'd rather sit on some pretty green. u know cash rules everything around me cream. get the money, you know the rest. lets not evn front on who is the best. everybody I reign on this city right up there w. snoop dogg & diddy. u think u know bt u have no idea I get the best of both worlds like tila tequila. new york quiet down I need to make a sound and everyone goes hush went I touch the ground. right off that jet cuz I go world round. yea I'm pimpin all over the world like luda and bobby v. but u gotta remember aint nobody got ish on me :-p- 4.19.09
btdubs I'm not bisexual (tila tequila reference) and not that there's anything wrong with it jus clearing the air.
love is like the person u kno u never wanna meet. at first things are all cool, it does everything u want, loyal to ur heart, but somewhere down the line it fucks you over and you regret ever having met them.-j.Ro 1.25.09
in the car..
I open my eyes wide, swallow my pride, and walk in w. a smile becuz. well. I'd rather do that than see me fall flat just so they can show sympathy and give me a pat on my head. I stand tall so I can convince myself and u all that nothing could ever be wrong. but sometimes I wear my heart on my sleeve a little to much to where u cnt even believe I'm alrite. -4.15.09
rap to primous:
I love you. wat the eff does that even. man I'd rather sit on some pretty green. u know cash rules everything around me cream. get the money, you know the rest. lets not evn front on who is the best. everybody I reign on this city right up there w. snoop dogg & diddy. u think u know bt u have no idea I get the best of both worlds like tila tequila. new york quiet down I need to make a sound and everyone goes hush went I touch the ground. right off that jet cuz I go world round. yea I'm pimpin all over the world like luda and bobby v. but u gotta remember aint nobody got ish on me :-p- 4.19.09
btdubs I'm not bisexual (tila tequila reference) and not that there's anything wrong with it jus clearing the air.
4.14.2009
what do you do after love?
so if you know me. you know that i have a shoe fetish. no not a foot fetish (i hate feet.) and every fashionable heel i see, they're are super expensive but i reminded myself that there is this site called gojane.com =] and every shoe is under 25 bux..don't quote me on that. but they have sandals, heels, wedges, clothes, accesories. everything. love it! you will see a purple strappy heel somewhere below from there =]
updates:
+track..improving.
+school is about to get tougher with 3 ap exams coming up.
+spring break..obviously not in l.a. since i'm blogging.
+went to joann's to get fabric and such for the fashion show
+got a chair from salvation army to paint for upcoming art project
+brave new voices...LOOOOOVE! THAT SHOW! it's like def jam poetry. but better. check it out.
+started writing again..as you can see from previous post.
+can't decide between a "normal" college or an hbcu..hmm not thinking about race fo r4 yrs..sounds like a good thought..yet i like diversity =/ tough decision. have until may to figure it out.
+went to the movies on sat. w. trina and jordan saw fast and furious. fun..met up at the mall w. adrian good timmesss (pics coming soon)
+bought new boots. only 15 bux! i seriously saved the economy by buying those shoes haha
_ex news. gah.
updates:
+track..improving.
+school is about to get tougher with 3 ap exams coming up.
+spring break..obviously not in l.a. since i'm blogging.
+went to joann's to get fabric and such for the fashion show
+got a chair from salvation army to paint for upcoming art project
+brave new voices...LOOOOOVE! THAT SHOW! it's like def jam poetry. but better. check it out.
+started writing again..as you can see from previous post.
+can't decide between a "normal" college or an hbcu..hmm not thinking about race fo r4 yrs..sounds like a good thought..yet i like diversity =/ tough decision. have until may to figure it out.
+went to the movies on sat. w. trina and jordan saw fast and furious. fun..met up at the mall w. adrian good timmesss (pics coming soon)
+bought new boots. only 15 bux! i seriously saved the economy by buying those shoes haha
_ex news. gah.
4.13.2009
i don't want to write.
i don't want to write.
writing equals opening up. emotions i don't want to face not even to myself
not even comfortable to cry in the privacy of my own room
contemplating on life and the things i've been through
being THIS close to walking the streets, begging for food to eat.
yes that was me.
getting eviction notices from the women that birthed me unexpectedly
not realizing that this was becoming a trend.
taking no acknowledgement that, that incident was the beginning of the end.
trying to survive hour by hour. trying not to think of climbing that tower of self-pity
standing strong in how i'm living, not breaking a sweat so that no one can see me sweat
and i climb these mountains of struggles. every night holding back the tears and true emotions that phase me.
every night standing strong and proud as a model for that woman who birthed me.
even though she gives me eviction notices i stand strong so that she won't notice
the pain and hurt that builds up inside.
and i run to poetry so that these feelings can subside
not looking for human companionship for the fear of judgement and sympathy
i don't need your sympathy unless you feel empathy. and that will never happen.
I take my walks through life as lessons
so that when I fall I can get back up and try again
relying on myself to keep it pushin, never to look back on the pain that i've been through
i focus on meaningless things so i don't have to think about the things that break me down.
I focus on tv so that I can watch spongebob a cartoon that will never make me frown.
I'd rather focus on other people's issues rather than my own
I'd rather deal with my mess that I call hair and pick up a hot comb
than deal with the reality that I should be facing
yet every day I wake up and face the new challenges that come my way.
see, i hate to write. o wait look, you just got a glimpse of my life.
writing equals opening up. emotions i don't want to face not even to myself
not even comfortable to cry in the privacy of my own room
contemplating on life and the things i've been through
being THIS close to walking the streets, begging for food to eat.
yes that was me.
getting eviction notices from the women that birthed me unexpectedly
not realizing that this was becoming a trend.
taking no acknowledgement that, that incident was the beginning of the end.
trying to survive hour by hour. trying not to think of climbing that tower of self-pity
standing strong in how i'm living, not breaking a sweat so that no one can see me sweat
and i climb these mountains of struggles. every night holding back the tears and true emotions that phase me.
every night standing strong and proud as a model for that woman who birthed me.
even though she gives me eviction notices i stand strong so that she won't notice
the pain and hurt that builds up inside.
and i run to poetry so that these feelings can subside
not looking for human companionship for the fear of judgement and sympathy
i don't need your sympathy unless you feel empathy. and that will never happen.
I take my walks through life as lessons
so that when I fall I can get back up and try again
relying on myself to keep it pushin, never to look back on the pain that i've been through
i focus on meaningless things so i don't have to think about the things that break me down.
I focus on tv so that I can watch spongebob a cartoon that will never make me frown.
I'd rather focus on other people's issues rather than my own
I'd rather deal with my mess that I call hair and pick up a hot comb
than deal with the reality that I should be facing
yet every day I wake up and face the new challenges that come my way.
see, i hate to write. o wait look, you just got a glimpse of my life.
2.08.2009
1.04.2009
woww
the truth never sounded so good.
ilovehim. his work is phenomenal. so great i put him on my ipod =]
and ever since i saw this every time someone recites poetry "like thisss" it annoys the crap out of me lol
check it out for yourself
shihan:
ilovehim. his work is phenomenal. so great i put him on my ipod =]
and ever since i saw this every time someone recites poetry "like thisss" it annoys the crap out of me lol
check it out for yourself
shihan:
1.03.2009
body conscience
my body conscience
renders me unconscious because
of how i feel about me
my conscience lingers and
lurks while it hisses
bittersweet nothingness
in my ears. Although i am
unconscious to the truth that
others may see, i am fully
awake to my own interpretations
that make me weak.
what the media wants me
to think, i am thinking.
what the media wants me
to feel, i am feeling. "yea,
you're skinny, but not enough."
and you are screaming
enough is enough as i replay
the words over and over.
Play.stop.rewind.play.stop.rewind.
and the cycle grows on as i rewind
my self-esteem. stop listening
to the positive and play negative
over and again.
renders me unconscious because
of how i feel about me
my conscience lingers and
lurks while it hisses
bittersweet nothingness
in my ears. Although i am
unconscious to the truth that
others may see, i am fully
awake to my own interpretations
that make me weak.
what the media wants me
to think, i am thinking.
what the media wants me
to feel, i am feeling. "yea,
you're skinny, but not enough."
and you are screaming
enough is enough as i replay
the words over and over.
Play.stop.rewind.play.stop.rewind.
and the cycle grows on as i rewind
my self-esteem. stop listening
to the positive and play negative
over and again.
1.02.2009
7.31.2008
hand in hand
this is from a fellow blogger that i truly do admire because of all her experiences she still manages to be sane and real. she reminds me of myself in a lot of ways which is probably one reason why i am addicted to her posts lol [no stalker status i swear] but i just thought that this post of hers was so moving; i just loved it.
i've started this post a million times and each time i start it, its a factual recount of what happened on my road trip, but writing about my experience that way seems forced and totally unlike the way i want it to sound. i'm starting to believe the only way to express what happened is to close my eyes, relive the moments and put paintbrush to canvas or cardboard in my case. i know exactly what the page will look like, it will be a flurry of colors and swirling lines. not unlike an acid trip.
i have obsessed and dreamt about what it would be like to meet the one person that knows all of my secrets, i came up with all types of scenarios. in true rebecca fashion though i imagined brendan being someone i grew irritated with and imagined our meeting ending in us severing our friendship. but we all know i do those things because happiness is foreign to me. but because i dreamt about that moment so much when the time actually came i was a blank canvas and didn't know what to expect.
now that the trip is over i've tried to remember back to that first moment, pulling into his driveway and seeing his face. i've tried to remember what exactly my initial thought was. and as random as it was all i could think is "wow he has really straight teeth." nothing else about his was foreign he looked exactly the way i imagined him, he smiled the way i thought he would. he was everything my mind couldn't comprehend. as cheesy as it sounds meeting him was like finally putting two halves together. everything else was irrelevant and i could only focus on the now. i don't know at what moment i realized that these feelings weren't strictly platonic. i mean i've had romantic thoughts about him before, but i never dreamt about expressing them to him or even acting on them.
...i don't know if i can do this, i'm selfish with my happy thoughts. i cannot write this with a rational mind. what i experienced was something that probably happens .oo1 % of the time.
each time i get down to the core of the trip, my heart starts to freak out and i lose all my rational thought.
i only spent 2 days with brendan after speaking to him for four years via the internet/phone and i have grown insanely attached to him. this post probably isn't going to help me detach from him but i feel like i need to be as honest as i can with myself.
i've been home for seven hours, away from him since 10:30 am July 26th and i still question whether all of this actually happened, but then i look at my bookcase and see his sunglasses perched on top of my books and i know it happened as fairytale like as it seems.
i'm going to kick myself for making this next statement, but it's the truth. i fell in love in two days, i have always loved brendan because our bond is unbreakable no matter what happens but laying in his arms at night melted every callous off my heart. i've applied each one back to my heart since i pulled out his drive yesterday but any mention of his name and they all fall to the floor and i sit silent for a minute reliving the past two days.
i would love to believe that one day brendan and i are going to be together and when i say it to myself my mind doesn't reject the idea, but it gently reminds me that the odds of us together are slim to none. i can't dream about it though, it's too far in the future for any semi realistic thought. i just find it ironic that every poem i've ever written about him has always stressed the fact that we'll be bonded forever. i've lived my life waiting for this moment and now that it's come and gone i can't help but wonder what the future holds for us. i've only been home for seven hours but im starting to force myself to imagine him in a healthy relationship with a girl he genuinely cares about- who isn't me. i know that day will come and i don't want to feel like someone knocked the wind out of my lungs when it does happen, so i'm forcing myself to go there to think about it. i'm not one to think about things such as "soul mates" but it occurred to me saturday night at 12 am, what if he is it? i mean they say that your soul mate is someone who've already met. he is the first guy i've ever met that silenced my disquieting thoughts. i just am when we were together. i didn't have to try to be myself or section my personality up i was myself in all my irrational rage.
i thought i lost the first collaborative poem we wrote together in 2006 but i found it. we both claimed our section wasn't about each other, but we lied. it so is about each other.
PB and J (Platonic Bodies Juxtaposed) 6/28/06
Brendan:
I see it this way
my outside was a hard shell
yours was supple skin
i began to melt as soon as i let you in
my rough texture was smooth by your caring hands to make me a better man
i know i've been kind of a nut but your scent puts a feeling in my gut i cant stand not to act on
i want to blend your sweetness with my brown tone
and just make it last forever
build a bed made from bread we made together
in the middle we'll spread
creating something so much better than individually
because both mentally and physically we've combined to make a masterpiece so true
i can't help but watch how you dance when you move
your love puts me in the mood
to give anything your heart desires until my heart expires
just for you
my love thickens
my passion so drink your attraction to wash me down with
cause you know i'll stick
i feel it too
while you whisper your feelings on delicious tones so sweet they make me stop and stutter
i only ask you to have my heart and be the jelly to my peanut butter.
rebecca (mine):
I admit i tried to seduce you with my moves because it was your shell i wanted to crack
and with each frac/ture
i planned for moments everlast
praying my sweet soul would find the spaces in the holes of our bread
and as i moved over places you moved underneath me
sealing off little cases of our chemical reaction
where no acting was required
see your mentally leave me burning with this desire
you're smooth brown tone can't even smother this flame
and i don't think i'll ever begin to tire of finding the bumps within your frame
as my skin grows sticky from perspiring
there is no denying the fate of our meeting
every love is fleeting but ours is based on more than feeling
mentally intertwined
chemical bind
physically mine
ive never been a temptress but i'm so sweet on you that i'd entice you twice just to be sure you'd be only mine
bonded for life
indelible
ours is a love time and others can't erase
this is no manufactured meeting
but a real connection where opposites do more than attract
we flatter each other
no matter what form
whether soaking into bread sheets
or standing stil our souls reach out and we meet
so i guess i'll take you up on that offer and be the jelly you need.
talk about predicting the future.
okay i'm done for now.
i've started this post a million times and each time i start it, its a factual recount of what happened on my road trip, but writing about my experience that way seems forced and totally unlike the way i want it to sound. i'm starting to believe the only way to express what happened is to close my eyes, relive the moments and put paintbrush to canvas or cardboard in my case. i know exactly what the page will look like, it will be a flurry of colors and swirling lines. not unlike an acid trip.
i have obsessed and dreamt about what it would be like to meet the one person that knows all of my secrets, i came up with all types of scenarios. in true rebecca fashion though i imagined brendan being someone i grew irritated with and imagined our meeting ending in us severing our friendship. but we all know i do those things because happiness is foreign to me. but because i dreamt about that moment so much when the time actually came i was a blank canvas and didn't know what to expect.
now that the trip is over i've tried to remember back to that first moment, pulling into his driveway and seeing his face. i've tried to remember what exactly my initial thought was. and as random as it was all i could think is "wow he has really straight teeth." nothing else about his was foreign he looked exactly the way i imagined him, he smiled the way i thought he would. he was everything my mind couldn't comprehend. as cheesy as it sounds meeting him was like finally putting two halves together. everything else was irrelevant and i could only focus on the now. i don't know at what moment i realized that these feelings weren't strictly platonic. i mean i've had romantic thoughts about him before, but i never dreamt about expressing them to him or even acting on them.
...i don't know if i can do this, i'm selfish with my happy thoughts. i cannot write this with a rational mind. what i experienced was something that probably happens .oo1 % of the time.
each time i get down to the core of the trip, my heart starts to freak out and i lose all my rational thought.
i only spent 2 days with brendan after speaking to him for four years via the internet/phone and i have grown insanely attached to him. this post probably isn't going to help me detach from him but i feel like i need to be as honest as i can with myself.
i've been home for seven hours, away from him since 10:30 am July 26th and i still question whether all of this actually happened, but then i look at my bookcase and see his sunglasses perched on top of my books and i know it happened as fairytale like as it seems.
i'm going to kick myself for making this next statement, but it's the truth. i fell in love in two days, i have always loved brendan because our bond is unbreakable no matter what happens but laying in his arms at night melted every callous off my heart. i've applied each one back to my heart since i pulled out his drive yesterday but any mention of his name and they all fall to the floor and i sit silent for a minute reliving the past two days.
i would love to believe that one day brendan and i are going to be together and when i say it to myself my mind doesn't reject the idea, but it gently reminds me that the odds of us together are slim to none. i can't dream about it though, it's too far in the future for any semi realistic thought. i just find it ironic that every poem i've ever written about him has always stressed the fact that we'll be bonded forever. i've lived my life waiting for this moment and now that it's come and gone i can't help but wonder what the future holds for us. i've only been home for seven hours but im starting to force myself to imagine him in a healthy relationship with a girl he genuinely cares about- who isn't me. i know that day will come and i don't want to feel like someone knocked the wind out of my lungs when it does happen, so i'm forcing myself to go there to think about it. i'm not one to think about things such as "soul mates" but it occurred to me saturday night at 12 am, what if he is it? i mean they say that your soul mate is someone who've already met. he is the first guy i've ever met that silenced my disquieting thoughts. i just am when we were together. i didn't have to try to be myself or section my personality up i was myself in all my irrational rage.
i thought i lost the first collaborative poem we wrote together in 2006 but i found it. we both claimed our section wasn't about each other, but we lied. it so is about each other.
PB and J (Platonic Bodies Juxtaposed) 6/28/06
Brendan:
I see it this way
my outside was a hard shell
yours was supple skin
i began to melt as soon as i let you in
my rough texture was smooth by your caring hands to make me a better man
i know i've been kind of a nut but your scent puts a feeling in my gut i cant stand not to act on
i want to blend your sweetness with my brown tone
and just make it last forever
build a bed made from bread we made together
in the middle we'll spread
creating something so much better than individually
because both mentally and physically we've combined to make a masterpiece so true
i can't help but watch how you dance when you move
your love puts me in the mood
to give anything your heart desires until my heart expires
just for you
my love thickens
my passion so drink your attraction to wash me down with
cause you know i'll stick
i feel it too
while you whisper your feelings on delicious tones so sweet they make me stop and stutter
i only ask you to have my heart and be the jelly to my peanut butter.
rebecca (mine):
I admit i tried to seduce you with my moves because it was your shell i wanted to crack
and with each frac/ture
i planned for moments everlast
praying my sweet soul would find the spaces in the holes of our bread
and as i moved over places you moved underneath me
sealing off little cases of our chemical reaction
where no acting was required
see your mentally leave me burning with this desire
you're smooth brown tone can't even smother this flame
and i don't think i'll ever begin to tire of finding the bumps within your frame
as my skin grows sticky from perspiring
there is no denying the fate of our meeting
every love is fleeting but ours is based on more than feeling
mentally intertwined
chemical bind
physically mine
ive never been a temptress but i'm so sweet on you that i'd entice you twice just to be sure you'd be only mine
bonded for life
indelible
ours is a love time and others can't erase
this is no manufactured meeting
but a real connection where opposites do more than attract
we flatter each other
no matter what form
whether soaking into bread sheets
or standing stil our souls reach out and we meet
so i guess i'll take you up on that offer and be the jelly you need.
talk about predicting the future.
okay i'm done for now.
7.04.2008
Lost one!!...
it seriously does not matter if you are religious or not. this poem is overly bomb. it's not bomb because it's for Christ or God. it is what it is because of its content.
7.02.2008
ahh!!!!
first cavity filling tomorrow...kinda scared do those things hurt??
so yea the day at melrose bought a new journal...for poetry
idk if i'm gunna post all of it bt here's something
open your eyes to the realness of reality
just open them & you will see
breathe in the fresh sense of achieving although life's no bed of roses
yet it is up to you to keep believing.
belief, a word that requires courage
(you kno like the lion)
hear me roar into the infinite silence
because i used to be silenced.
covered with the muzzle that restrained me from reactionary movement of my lips
now my lips flap free without restraint,
yet sometimes i refrain from truly saying what i mean because i truly don't believe,
(you remmeber, like that lion)
can achieve what i ruly want that's meant to be.
what is meant to be?
to be free?
free of the muzzle of the lips
that no one takes control of?
free of the chains upon my wrists
that no one wants to take notice of?
the chains hold me back from touching upon the subjects of reality.
chains, shackles, whatever they are meant to be, they are not letting me be.
be what is intended because fate goes along with destiny
and no on can make my destiny but me
Although i talk with my free flowing lips,the subjects still haven't been touched
not grasped, but slipped right through my fingertips like sand because they are forbidden
Forbidden not to one but all.
Taboo, another word.
No not the game, but similar in it's likeness.
in a sense we are not allowd to speak of it but we tip toe around it like the big elephant in the room
"unnoticed"
so yea the day at melrose bought a new journal...for poetry
idk if i'm gunna post all of it bt here's something
open your eyes to the realness of reality
just open them & you will see
breathe in the fresh sense of achieving although life's no bed of roses
yet it is up to you to keep believing.
belief, a word that requires courage
(you kno like the lion)
hear me roar into the infinite silence
because i used to be silenced.
covered with the muzzle that restrained me from reactionary movement of my lips
now my lips flap free without restraint,
yet sometimes i refrain from truly saying what i mean because i truly don't believe,
(you remmeber, like that lion)
can achieve what i ruly want that's meant to be.
what is meant to be?
to be free?
free of the muzzle of the lips
that no one takes control of?
free of the chains upon my wrists
that no one wants to take notice of?
the chains hold me back from touching upon the subjects of reality.
chains, shackles, whatever they are meant to be, they are not letting me be.
be what is intended because fate goes along with destiny
and no on can make my destiny but me
Although i talk with my free flowing lips,the subjects still haven't been touched
not grasped, but slipped right through my fingertips like sand because they are forbidden
Forbidden not to one but all.
Taboo, another word.
No not the game, but similar in it's likeness.
in a sense we are not allowd to speak of it but we tip toe around it like the big elephant in the room
"unnoticed"
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