i don't want to write.

i don't want to write.
writing equals opening up. emotions i don't want to face not even to myself
not even comfortable to cry in the privacy of my own room
contemplating on life and the things i've been through
being THIS close to walking the streets, begging for food to eat.
yes that was me.
getting eviction notices from the women that birthed me unexpectedly
not realizing that this was becoming a trend.
taking no acknowledgement that, that incident was the beginning of the end.
trying to survive hour by hour. trying not to think of climbing that tower of self-pity
standing strong in how i'm living, not breaking a sweat so that no one can see me sweat
and i climb these mountains of struggles. every night holding back the tears and true emotions that phase me.
every night standing strong and proud as a model for that woman who birthed me.
even though she gives me eviction notices i stand strong so that she won't notice
the pain and hurt that builds up inside.
and i run to poetry so that these feelings can subside
not looking for human companionship for the fear of judgement and sympathy
i don't need your sympathy unless you feel empathy. and that will never happen.
I take my walks through life as lessons
so that when I fall I can get back up and try again
relying on myself to keep it pushin, never to look back on the pain that i've been through
i focus on meaningless things so i don't have to think about the things that break me down.
I focus on tv so that I can watch spongebob a cartoon that will never make me frown.
I'd rather focus on other people's issues rather than my own
I'd rather deal with my mess that I call hair and pick up a hot comb
than deal with the reality that I should be facing
yet every day I wake up and face the new challenges that come my way.
see, i hate to write. o wait look, you just got a glimpse of my life.