grrrr.

i'm so frustrated right now. maybe it's just another boy. maybe it might be the real thing. bt this seems so effortless. he's saying all the right things. its not game, it's him being real and i can tell. i jus know these kind of things. just my luck when i think i've found the right one or potential to be, something has to go wrong. oo i don't know, like me MOVING!! this shit is ridiculous. it's not like i even have a chance to test the waters and see how things work out. and i can't do the whole long distance thing...that's not me. but its just all soo unfair. why can't i just be legal and by my own place and pay my way for school out here.

he said i was his joy, i make him smile, he cares about me, and wants to get to know me inside and out. the plus side...he's a cutie. and i don't just mean external. the things he does jus make him so incredibly irresistable sometimes. he's so quiet and mysterious in his own way and i don't know how to fight it. i'm a sucker for love yet i've never even been in love before. i yearn to know what it feels like. to never want to be seperated from someone. to know that there is always going to be someone right there by your side. someone you can give your all to and receive the same in return.

i don't want to put my heart out on the line for it to just be broken when i leave, because the way my mom talks, she acts like we're never coming back. and i hate that tone like things will never be the same. she just doesn't understand the pressure of my life and what i have to go through. how is she going to tell me that i can come back and say goodbye to my friends the weekend after we move, then change her mind and say "you misunderstood me." no i didn't i have ears too. i know what i heard. and i just don't want to go. she can go on her own. i want to stay and be by my sister and the people who can't bear without me like i can't without them.