today i had my first breakdown. one of many? i don't know. but i was just on myspace, you know the usual looking at people from my school's pictures and i just loose it. its so unfair how people get to make choices in their life and i was forced to do something i didn't want to do. move. i don't see why i couldn't find an alternative instead of moving. my mom is the one being hypocritical on a few things. i wanted to change schools because the one i was at last year was rediculous (academically) i can say it was fun though you know with my best friend there and all. but may mom sed i couldn't change schools because it wouldn't look good on college applications because they would want to know why i changed schools and all that. just horrible. well i guess i got my wish cuz i changed schools. o yea did i mention i lost my sister/best friend/person who was always there for me. its so hard not seeing someone everyday when you've been so used to it. i really don't understand why i, of all people, had to move. she didn't even call anyone to see if i could stay with a family member or a friend of the family's. another thing. she sed that she wanted the least stress for me. 1) moving. isn't that enough stress already???? 2) 3 AP courses. what.the.hell. how is that NOT stressful????? 3) i get to school a week late so i'm super behind plus i get more work everyday. now i know im being contradictory because i should be working but i've been working for 2 hrs straight and i can't take it anymore. i need a release. i miss [him]. we miss each other. this is crazy. i go from being one of thee "thirstiest" girls on the planet (in my opinion) to being off boys to liking guys but not getting any to having healthy relationships then wanting to take a break and finally finding someone to care for without any pressure or stress of being with them and i can't even be with him. fate/God.....however you wanna look at it is not liking me at the moment. the utter foolishness. one of the few things that makes me happy is taken away from me. people keep telling me that everything happens for a reason and how maybe this is a good oppurtunity and i keep trying to convince myself that maybe this is what i need to focus and concentrate on school but I used to have a life. now i have nothing. o yea a puppy. woo-pee. don't get me wrong. i am very grateful for the things i do have because i know i could be living in a box or a shelter w. my mom right now if things had gotten worse but still. come on. if a teenagers life isn't hard enough. iknow it sounds stereotypical but at this point i am the stereotype.
2 whole years.
y?
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riddle me that.
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