it's just not me.

it's like i've tried the whole glamorous life recently. i got acrylics, hair done every two weeks. buying affordable yet unnecessary clothes just because i could buy them if i wanted to. now it's just tired and old. just an hour ago i left the movie theatre from watching "good hair." wow it opened up my eyes. and it's crazy because I just had dinner with my friend S tonight and I was telling her how I just don't want to be fake anymore. no fake nails, no fake hair. just be me, literally. and after seeing this movie it just verified everything. i'm tired of worrying about tracks, or if my hair is straight enough. i'm tired of getting broken nails fixed and not seeing my own. it's time to go back to the old me. i thought this is what i wanted but i'm no glamour girl. But at least I can acknowledge it and correct what I recognize.

a lot of posts ago i was talking about slavery and the auction block. I feel as if women, let alone African-American women, are still put up on that very auction block. And you can't blame them, look at where they get it from; it's everywhere. From celebrities to their own mothers. That's what they're accustomed to: relaxers, texturizers, pressing combs, flat irons, and anything else that allows them to feel accepted. it's a security blanket. I know that for me it was especially because I convinced myself that longer was better. I told myself i could do more with it and not be questioned by my peers, who the majority are white. It was a way not to stand out and be noticed. Now, I feel that because it's everywhere, it's gotten out of control and black women aren't truly embracing who they really are. Now i'm not going insane to the point to say that all black women should get off the creamy crack because one it's not easy to do and two because most likely the hair is already damaged. but i really encourage everyone to see this movie, no matter what race, creed, color you are. because you can just get a better understanding of this issue at hand. it's really an eye-opener and also enlightening.

i must say i did walk out of there quickly before people could judge my hair. =/